ARSE-FREEZE-APALOOZA Day 2, Pt.2

Thunderhill Raceway, 28 December 08

Once again the second day of the race was even more entertaining than the first. The driving was more competitive and faster between yellow flags. There were quite a few Yellows, but few serious incidents. A Yugo ended up pointing it’s shoes to the dinosaur spirit in the sky, and the Faster Farms Plymouth did a barrel roll, but there were overall very few serious incidents.

Sidenote: There is a small group of individuals who know what REALLY happened to the Yugo, but have been sworn to secrecy. It’s a conspiracy of EPIC proportions.

The “Squirrels of Fury” VW Sirocco puked its engine right in front of us, and gave me that hurtling fireball vision I dreamt of way back when I first started this quest. The crowd all yelled at the guy (who looked as if he suspected something might just be wrong) to “GET THE HELL OUT OF THE CAR!!” as he cruised by. Shortly, the car came to a screeching halt and the dude was out of there in a flash. Impressive…

Jay Lamm’s voice was heard on the P.A. system, asking to see the “Blues Brothers Racing and their Ford Crown Victoria. Oooooh… Someone’s gonna get it! The Peoples Curse!! All the eligible teams had voted and this car was selected to be destroyed with large construction equipment. They went easy on it though, and merely ripped off its doors, hood, trunk and windshield. Oh, and they dropped it from about 10 feet too. The team was able to get the car going again, and they ended up having the fastest lap of the race due to the removed weight.

The car was a ringer in my mind. I got to look at it up close and saw a lot more professional work and high end performance parts than 500 dollar junker. In the spirit of the race, I would have split open the carcass and left it to rot. Don’t bring it if you aint willing to loose it.

I heard the Jag start up one more time and saw a fully suited Lou Brerro Jr slowly piloting it towards the entrance. The track was under yellow and the cars were slowly circling the track as Lou merged into traffic.

Holy crap we all said, then started making wagers on how many laps the car would do before it conked out.

“I got ½!”

“I got 2!”

“I got ¾”

“I’ll give him one lap!”

“I’ll give him till the first turn, ha-ha-ha!”

The Jag rounded the first turn and kept going.

“Awwww…”

It disappeared behind the hill and we all held our breath…

A few long moments later it came over the hill! “Yeay!”

It negotiated the downhill corner looking like a cross between a Mad-Max caricature and a 4 wheeled oil platform, and then headed to the halfway point.

“Awwww!!!!’

3/4 track came and went, then he brought it back across the start finish line for a full lap!

“Yeay!!!!” we all cheered. Holy cow, Lou “Ran” at Thunderhill. He made it. Well bless his heart.

POOF! No sooner had we said that, the inside of the car disappeared into a cloud of steam, with contrails streaming out the empty doorjambs. “Whoah…” we stared in disbelief.

“I hope Lou is OK”.

The steam cloud dissipated and the car continued around its course.

“Hey, he’s still going!”

We held our collective breath as the bundle of pipes disappeared again behind the hill.

A few long moments later, cars that went behind the hill came back out, but there was no Lou. And still no Lou. Finally the tow truck was dispatched, and finally Lou came back over the hill triumphantly in the same manner most Jags do; on the back end of a wrecker.

Back in the pits Lou extolled the virtues of the car; “It handled and drove beautifully. The engine was flawless. The car was beautiful out there.”

“Yes Lou, indeed it was.”

Indignant, he went on to say “One of the other teams told me that Jay says the same thing to all the teams. He gives them all the same speech. My car was safe!”

I looked at the gas tank in the passenger side rear window, draped in a moving blanket, the bits of metal welded hither and yon, the now dripping wet interior and bits of pipe that comprised the cooling system, and said “I’m sure it was Lou, but the race started yesterday”.

Rob took me aside and said, “I really don’t think he understands the point of what you or I are saying. We might just let it go…”

Wisely spoken. “Ok Lou. I’m sorry. I just did not feel safe. You tried your best”.

And with that we watched the end of the race, then loaded up the pit-bike/smart-car, and headed back home in our trusty friend "Brownie, the Worlds Greatest Crappy Old RV".

And that’s when the real fun started…

“Do you hear that?”

Next: Homeward Bound

Previous: ARSE-FREEZE-APALOOZA Day 2, Pt.1

From The Begining - The Hook... (Part 1)